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Joke of the Day

"I've started picking up dudes by walking into Starbucks and ""accidentally"" dropping my recipe for bacon tacos."

"Give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day Give a man a poisoned fish and he'll eat for the rest of his life"

"We've got an aviary at home... We've got an aviary at home, but one of our birds of prey will only exercise at night to the sounds of '80s synth pop. Our kestrel manoeuvres in the dark."

"I wish cats came with a counter that told you what life they were on. Number 8 kitty? Maybe you need to work on that attitude."

"Q: What's the difference between Personal Injury lawyers and Congress? A: No fee--If No Recovery!"

"What do you get when you cross a cow with an octopus? Your funding revoked by the ethics board."

"You people remind me of lemons.... You're sour, some people like you, and your juices can be squeezed out for money."

"Does anyone else love thick sandwiches with three slices of bread and two layers of filling? We should make a club."

"Top 3 situations that require witnesses: 1) Crimes 2) Accidents 3) Marriages Need I say more?"

"How do dinosaurs like their chicken? RAWWWWWWWW!!!!"