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Joke of the Day

"I noticed that my waitress had a black eye... So I ordered veeerrryyy slooowwwly, because she obviously doesn't listen."

"Some family is never more than just blood."

"What were those two people from VeggieTales? Oh yea, Barrackoli and Cucumberbatch."

"It is known that masturbation eases congestion ""I swear officer, I was only trying to help traffic move along!"""

"Me [trying to sound intellectual]: okay, okay which came first turkey the bird or Turkey the *points at map*"

"My niece guessed the capital of Montana is Hannah, and I had to give it to her because as far as I know that's correct"

"What does a fish say when it swims into a wall? ....Dam."

"""I don't like the taste of water."" - first world problem"

"What do you tell a woman with black eyes? Nothing, you already told her twice."

"They organized a lookalike competition in China. Everybody won!"