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Joke of the Day

"Some family is never more than just blood."

"Do you want to hear a word I just made up? Plagiarism"

"What do a teenage girl and her baby have in common? They're both thinking, ""Oh shit! My mom's gonna kill me."""

"Confucius say Man high on sex use cherry picker"

"Of course Goldman Sachs called their clients ""muppets"" Some of them ended up living in garbage cans."

"Never in the history of unlimited data plans has someone gone through their significant others phone and gotten happier"

"I just released a new fragrance, and the people on this elevator are not happy about it."

"Me: Did you know that a woman's voice gets higher when she's attracted to a man? Her: *batman voice* I have a boyfriend"

"A priest and a rabbi are in a boat they approach a bridge over the river and see a young boy standing there. The priest says to the rabbi ""Should we fuck him?"" The rabbi replies ""Out of what?"""

"[interview] BOSS: So you have zero experience? ME: Hire me & I'll give u a sweet nickname B: That's absurd.. ME: Lazerwolf B: Welcome aboard"