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Joke of the Day

"What is a tresspasser's least favorite number? The number 86. (No seriously. Google ""86"".)"

"Judging by the number of hats on the hanger... ...and the amount of shoes underneath, I am married to a three-headed spider."

"Did you hear that the Pope might quit? I guess there's just not enough altar boys to go around in the Vatican"

"Happy 420 to me, Happy 420 to me, Its not 4/20 anymore, But fuck it, Its 420 to me!"

"The part of the Bible I relate to the most is when Jesus makes a scene at the farmers market"

"Billion Dollar Idea: A condom that changes color when it comes in contact with an STD."

"9 out of 10 dentists agree: the 10th dentist is a dog, not a dentist. the 10th dentist argues that dogs can b dentists too"

"Tweeting this from the bathroom because it's the 21st century and that's what we do now."

"Dad with his son are watching a movie when a sex scene begins \-Son, leave the room please. \-Dad, but I'm 23... \-I don't give a fuck how old you are, you're not going to watch me jack off."

"PSA for vacationing families: Don't let your kids play PokemonGo at Disney. They'll get eaten by wild Feraligatrs."