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Joke of the Day

"me: one time i almost got trampled to death in a mosh pit kid: did you die? me: hmm"

"A sadist met a masochist... and said ""hurt me"" ""No"" said the sadist."

"There was a young barmaid... There was a young barmaid from Sail, On her breasts were the prices of ale, And on her behind For the sake of the blind; Was the same information in braille."

"I had sex last night with a girl who had to be in control of every damn thing. It was my first time having anal sex."

"What does a Dingo call a pregnant woman? A Snack Pack...... I'm sorry"

"What does a nosey pepper do? Get jalapeno business."

"[invents time machine and goes back to the dinosaurs] ""in a few years its gonna be really cold"" *hands them mixtape* ""you're gone need this"""

"I'd be far more impressed with He-Man if he went all the way and got his doctorate of the universe."

"Nothing says authentic Chinese food like a neon ""We Delivery"" sign."

"The proper skirt length is at least 2 inches below your cellulite."