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Joke of the Day

"Bought cheap helium gas. Now boyfriend's annoying snoring doesn't make me want to kill him, but my fear of clowns has tripled.."

"The joke's on you officer. That breathalyzer won't tell you how much cocaine I've snorted tonight."

"What do you call a Mormon who switches religion? A mormoff!"

"I googled your mom and got a virus. For all the ""your mom"" jokesters out there. Just made that one up."

"If you cross your fingers after surgery you'll heal faster Or maybe that's just super stichin'"

"What's the best part of split-pea soup? The cut up peaness."

"I don't know if I like my new haircut, but it will grow on me."

"I'm writing a poem about the first time I masturbated. Can someone think of something that rhymes with, ""I was taken away by an ambulance""?"

"Q: Why did the engineer drive the backwards? A: He had a loco motive."

"Clinton Campaign Hillary's Clinton's response to allegations of receiving money from foreign governments to fund her campaign: ""I did NOT have financial relations with those countries!"""