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Joke of the Day

"they say 98% of fat people can be good looking if they lose weight, but 99% of them don't...when I became that 1%, i realized i was that 2%"

Next Joke
 
"It's my epileptic friend's birthday soon so I got him a strobe light. He's going to have a fucking fit when he sees it."
"Just found $4 on the ground. Well, more like $2.40 after my ex wife claims her share"
"ok open your eyes!! ""are those.. are those dead bunnies? what the fu-"" Febreze Air Effects. haha. covered it up well? ""im calling the cops"""
"If you keep your feet firmly on the ground, you'll have trouble putting on your pants."
"[date] HER: no more Scooby Doo imitations ME: ok WAITER: today's special is baby octopus ME: [Shaggy voice] zoinks HER: I'm done ME: ruh roh"
"People who still call radio stations to request songs are the same people who still update their MySpace profiles."
"Octopus! how many tickles does it take to make a octopus laugh? ten tickles!!"
"There are drunk bikers. There are old bikers. There are NO old, drunk bikers."
"What did Mike Tyson say when asked about the time he fought the God of Asgard? ""The loser was 'thore'"""