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Joke of the Day

"[date] HER: no more Scooby Doo imitations ME: ok WAITER: today's special is baby octopus ME: [Shaggy voice] zoinks HER: I'm done ME: ruh roh"

"Why can't Donald Trump be a Lannister? Because he never pays his debts"

"Great Insults A letter from teacher to parent:Dear parent,Kamal doesn't smel nice in class.Please try to bathe him.Parent answer:Dear teacher,Kamal is not a rose.Don't smell him.Teach him."

"your mom's so fat her nickname is ""damn!"""

"A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said, Keep off the Grass.'"

"Why are clothes so expensive? I shouldn't have to pay so much to not be naked. Other people should pay me not to be naked."

"What did the diva with Alzheimer's disease say? **DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM????** (credit to one of the writers from Bob's Burgers)."

"Dance like no one is watching you while secretly videotaping to later be posted on YouTube so you become the latest worldwide laughing stock"

"What did the suicide bomber from the Rebel Alliance say before detonating? ADMIRAL ACKBAR!"

"I just kicked a can in my driveway and somehow ended up with a goal against Brazil."