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Joke of the Day

"Just found $4 on the ground. Well, more like $2.40 after my ex wife claims her share"

"Oh, you lost your phone and it's on silent? That's too bad. If you liked it then you should've put a ring on it."

"Happy birthday to Jay Leno. Born April 28, 1950. Dies nightly at 11:35 eastern, 10:35 central."

"Why is dyslexia so bad? It looks like daily sex to me."

"What's the difference between a Genealogist and a gynecologist? A genealogist looks up your family tree. A gynecologist looks up your family bush."

"You know what makes me angry? Haemoglobin kettles. They really make my blood boil."

"What's the difference between a lentil and a chick pea? Nobody's ever paid money to have a lentil on their face."

"ME: honey, just tap me on the arm tonight if you think I've gotten too drunk WIFE: I've been tapping your arm for the last 2 hours"

"Did you hear about the cheese factory explosion in France? All that was left was da brie."

"Just got my invitation to Lady Gaga's wedding reception. I can choose between beef or chicken. Not for the meal, that's the dress code."