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Joke of the Day

"Skinny = anorexic , thick = obese , virgin = too good , non-virgin = slut , friendly = fake , quiet = rude. You can never please society"

"I recently bought 51% of a vampire hunting company. I'm now the main stake holder."

"How do you know you are in a real lesbian bar? Not even the pool table has balls"

"I've never gotten along with tall people We just never see eye to eye."

"Asked my wife if I was going to get a ""tip"" for driving her around today. She laughed and laughed. Apparently so hard, she got a headache."

"""SOMEONE IS VAPING"" 911: Stay calm, were tracing it ""HURRY"" 911: THE VAPING IS COMIN FROM INSIDE THE HOUSE ""OMG"" 911: GET OUT GET OUT"

"I asked Ness (of Earthbound and Super Smash Bros. fame) what his favorite TV show was... His reply: PK Blinders!"

"I would love to give Rachel Riley a cream 3.14159265359"

"What did the SS officer say after having his eye shot out? I can nazi."

"So what do you do for a living? ""I'm in the Secret Service"" Wow, you didn't keep that secret too well did you"