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Joke of the Day

"Q: What does a horny toad say? A: Rubbit"

"You know what gets me about karma whores?"

"Why do white girl groups only walk together in odd numbers? Because they can't even"

"What do you call Bill O'Reilly? Ass seen on TV."

"Shout out to political bumper stickers, changing nobody's mind and lowering the value of your car and whatnot."

"My friend thanked me for inviting him along to Fight Club. I replied ""Don't mention it."""

"oh the aliens aren't speaking to us right now because idk they're pissed that we flaked out on that pyramid project they started or whatever"

"I told her she has a nice ass. As a lady, she looked at me like my mom didn't raise me right. But we all know she'll smile about it in the ladies room."

"Trying to convince my wife that the white powder on my nose is cocaine to hide the fact I've eaten a large sugary donut"

"Went to dinner with my girlfriend tonight and got called a pedophile because I'm 30 and she's 19. Totally ruined our 10th anniversary."