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Joke of the Day

"i feel like a hundred bucks! *my soul erupts with the strength of 100 wild male deers*"

"Why couldn't the melons be together? Everyone knows melons cantaloupe."

"""Daddy, there's a mime under the bed!"" That's ridiculous, why would you think that? ""Listen!"" *complete silence* OH DEAR GOD RUN"

"What do you get if you cross a firefly and a moth ? An insect who can find its way around a dark wardrobe !"

"How many Obsessive-Compulsive P.D. does to take to change a lightbulb? Just one. But he has to check it 100 times one for each watt."

"my bf is wonderful but he will never be as soft as my roommate's dog who moved out of the house WHY GREG WHY CAN'T YOU BE AS SOFT AS THE DOG"

"Why do they call the day after Thanksgiving ""Black Friday""? Because everything is a steal."

"I bet the Americans feel really stupid now. They've spent millions fighting ISIS when all they had to do was change their profile picture."

"What's the difference between a lentil and a chickpea? I wouldn't pay $200 to have a lentil on my face"

"TIL that in the PC version of GTA V there's a new keyboard shortcut which when you press it will cause your character to kill minorities Alt+Right"