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Joke of the Day

"Titanic, but with literally thousands of cats."

"What did the tampon say to the other tampon? Nothing, they were both stuck up bitches"

"I like my women like I like my coffee Ground up and in the freezer."

"Me:*looks up from phone* Okay, it was Mr. Plum in the ballroom with the wrench. Family: M: Mom: We stopped playing that game 5 hours ago."

"My Dad always worked really hard to be able to put dinner on the table for his family. And still my Mam moaned because he couldn't afford to buy plates. That table was ruined."

"When I realized my boyfriend said we should 'break up' & not 'break dance', I was sad, but also relieved."

"It seems those Trump supporters... Have some egg on their faces"

"Why do lesbians shop at sport authority? Because they don't like Dick's"

"Before I die, I'm putting fake treasure maps behind all my picture frames. My grand children will be so pwned."

"Where do cows go to hang out? The slaughterhouse. Emphasis on **hang**."