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Joke of the Day

"Before I die, I'm putting fake treasure maps behind all my picture frames. My grand children will be so pwned."

"People say I'm a stand up guy.. ....but I prefer to sit down when I can. Good morning everyone!"

"So I went to an orgy at a campsite last night.... It was fucking intense."

"Why did the Ogre cry when he left the doctor's office? He was diagnosed with shrecktal cancer."

"VENOM: Time to meet your maker! SPIDER-MAN: The radioactive spider? VENOM: No, like- SPIDER-MAN: My dad? Cuz he's dead. Wow, ur a douche."

"After my vasectomy I thought I couldn't get my wife pregenant Apparently it just changes the color of the baby"

"I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather Not screaming and yelling like everyone else in the car."

"What's the best vegetable to bring to a party? Stephen Hawking"

"You know what really gets my goat? El chupacabra"

"A man falls over and lands on a globe. He heads to the doctors. The doctor asks what's wrong. ""I've got this spain in my arsehole."""