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Joke of the Day

"My Dad always worked really hard to be able to put dinner on the table for his family. And still my Mam moaned because he couldn't afford to buy plates. That table was ruined."

"A Buddhist monk approaches a burger food truck... ... And says ""make me one with everything""."

"I'd rather see a guy with a machete walking towards me than someone with a clipboard."

"I've become quite independent since my wife left... I just put my second load of washing through the microwave."

"Me: ""Bless me father, it's been 13,505 days since my last confession."" Priest: ""You're off to a bad start."""

"Pancake in Spanish is panqueque, which translates back into English as *does raise the roof motion* bread whaaaat whaaaat"

"I saw an Indian asleep on the train, noticed the little red dot on his forehead, and thought, ""Is he on standby?"""

"What's the best way to get chewing gum out of your hair? Cancer..."

"Its not what it looks like officer! ""you were driving down the highway taking selfies singing n'sync"" Ok I guess it was what it looked like"

"There was a prison break and I saw a midget climb up the fence. As he jumped down, he sneered at me and I thought, well that's a little condescending."