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Joke of the Day

"How many Freudians does it take to screw in a light bulb? Two. One to screw in the light bulb, and one to hold the penis. I mean the ladder. One to hold the ladder."

"They should make Star Trek toilet paper... ...so you can help wipe Klingons off Uranus. (been a while since this one's been around. Just heard it again today from my 5 year old niece)"

"Do you know the major difference between Hitler and Michael Phelps? Michael Phelps can actually finish a race."

"My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned because I couldn't concentrate."

"My girlfriend told me I should grow a beard. If I wanted hair on my face, I would go down on her."

"Why cant Helen Keller drive a car? ..Because she's dead."

"How do you get to Matthew McConaughey's house? A right a right a right"

"People who smoke cigarettes die sooner, but people who smoke e-cigarettes deserve it more."

"DOCTOR: ""I'm calling to notify you of your outstanding balance."" ME: ""Thanks! I do yoga."" DOCTOR:........"

"Time to get ready for work Insomnia - OK. You can sleep now."