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Joke of the Day

"Dear lady, $14 is crazy for an airport sandwich but complaining to the counter guy is like telling a cop to pull troops out of Afghanistan."

"My mom recently bought a Jesus shaped flashlight When I asked her why she said: So whenever someone says ""I can't see"" I can be like ""here, let Jesus light the path"""

"I try to avoid nice people so they can stay that way."

"I had a serious talk with my girlfriend after she told me about her rape fantasy. It actually went pretty well too... Ending with me whispering in her ear, ""shut the fuck up or I cut you bitch"""

"Why does it take 1 million sperm to fertilize one egg? Because like most men, they won't stop to ask directions."

"A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it."

"Whats the useless skin around the vagina called? The woman... Im sorry"

"Roses are flowers, violets are flowers, I'd love you more if you had super powers."

"I'm not needy. I'm wanty."

"I wish I hadn't wasted so much of my life creating wacky sci-fi inventions... The time machine alone set me back 15 years."