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Joke of the Day
"What do you call a policeman on fire? Bacon."
Next Joke
"My ex girlfriend had a really weird fetish... She would dress like herself and act like a fucking bitch all the time."
"What happens when you put Nutella on salmon? You get salmonella"
"Just a little poem for all the night owls up right now. Roses are red. Violets are blue. Go the fuck to sleep."
"Will I ever be a good parent? *shakes baby* Wait a minute, if you're here [cut to Magic 8-Ball in crib]"
"Welcome to Applebee's! Can I take your order or do you need a few minutes to reflect on the mistakes you made in life that led you here?"
"What do you call it when you run out of seed? Endosperm."
"Kim Jong il is dead? I guess that's the end of HIS Korea."
"Give a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a night. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life. Credit: Philip J. Fry"
"Can't you just live in the moment, Phil? Every time we kill a bison or light a fire you have to draw it in a cave with your fancy stick."