98221

Joke of the Day

"Will I ever be a good parent? *shakes baby* Wait a minute, if you're here [cut to Magic 8-Ball in crib]"

"Me: *unfreezes cro-magnon woman I uncover on an arctic expedition* Cro-magnon woman: ""I have a boyfriend."""

"Me to dad:i'll call u later Dad:don't call me later call me dad"

"Rain is just God listening to Bon Iver."

"A racist, a sexist and a priest walk into a bar. The bartender says: ""Hey Bill, drinking alone tonight?"""

"Sometimes it is best not to talk unless you can improve on the silence."

"In order to save space, Ricky Gervais & Seth McFarlane are both one guy now. Frankly, it's been a long time coming"

"What's the difference between a slut and a bitch? A slut sleeps with everyone. A bitch sleeps with everyone but you."

"What do you call a dock that lost it's cock? A TRANSport"

"Zelda: Why aren't you mowing the lawn? Link: It's raining Z: No it's not L: *Plays Song of Storms* Z: You're sleeping with Epona tonight"