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Joke of the Day

"I like to get up early on Sundays, have my coffee, watch the sunrise, and pretend everyone else died of polio."

"What do you call a Jewish baby who isn't circumcised? A girl."

"I heard a group of pedophiles dressed up as superheroes and molested kids at birthday parties . Apparently they called themselves the Justkids League ."

"Look iPhone, if I wanted to be constantly be corrected today, I would have stayed home with my wife"

"A man went to the movie.. A man went to the movie theater's ticket window a second time and said, ""One more."" ""For The Hobbit?"" the ticket vendor asked. ""No,"" the man replied, ""That's my girlfriend."""

"Fact: If you ever blow me a kiss, I'm catching it and sticking it down my pants."

"A man discovered a new medication that makes people sneeze constantly. What did he tell people in order to make them avoid taking it? Eschew! Eschew!"

"""SOME OF US ARE TRYING TO SLEEP"" I yell at the neighbor I can hear vacuuming at 1pm in the afternoon."

"Who always wins at musical chairs? Rosa Parks"

"I would have been a gastroenterologist... But I didn't give a shit"