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Joke of the Day

"""SOME OF US ARE TRYING TO SLEEP"" I yell at the neighbor I can hear vacuuming at 1pm in the afternoon."

"Whenever I see WHOA spelled as WOAH, I assume it's referring to Noah's evil twin whose Ark housed all the insect and arachnid life."

"The fencer thought he knew what was about to happen but... ...his opponent feinted."

"""I have a dream that my children will live in a nation... not judged by the color of their skin, but by their follower count on Twitter."""

"Am I the only one who runs up on happy couples and yells, ""How could you do this to me"" and then runs off crying?"

"Why did Isis cover their bullets in butter? Because the French were toast! This is a joke I made up, along with an alternative : What do Isis eat for breakfast? French toast."

"You can lie about where you went to college & nobody has any idea. Pretty sure you can also just lie about going to college."

"Adolescent Sex Limerick There once was a girl named Sue, who really knew how to screw. She would grab my little dick, make it as hard as a stick then ride it until I blew."

"Why did mozart kill his chickens? Because they were always saying, ""Bach, Bach, Bach, Bach"""

"What did the sign convention management do to the woman who kept pulling down their long signs? Banner."