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Joke of the Day

"Look iPhone, if I wanted to be constantly be corrected today, I would have stayed home with my wife"

"What do you call a rabbit with a bent dick? Fucks funny"

"What do you call a list of german jokes printing paper"

"Baby I'm no weather man but you can expect a few inches tonight "

"[God creating the ocean] GOD: Just put water friggin everywhere. ANGEL: Nice, that way if they're thirsty, they GOD: Make it undrinkable."

"I bet phone booths are disappearing because they don't want us escaping the Matrix."

"What do you call a 5' 2"" fortune teller that has escaped from prison? A small medium at large"

"What do you call two hobos hitting each other with cardboard Pillow Fight"

"Police caught me leaving Trader Joe's without buying pita & hummus now I'm going to jail"

"I'd love to go out with you, but my favorite commercial is on TV."