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Joke of the Day

"[At Neiman Marcus] *looks at sales clerk* *holds up a Prada and a Burberry briefcase* I don't know...which one will hold more chicken nuggets?"

"Why does Piglett smell nasty? He plays with Pooh."

"Did you hear about that mad cow disease? A cow to another: ""Did you hear about that mad cow disease? Makes cows go completely insane!"" The other cow: ""Good thing I'm a helicopter!"""

"To the guy who just followed me with ""Conservative, God-loving, pro-life"" in his bio... are you sure you want to do this?"

"What do ghosts serve for dessert? I Scream."

"Hey girl, are you a compressed file? 'cause I wanna unzip you and open you up."

"Why are crabs always so tired? It's because they only sleep in snatches."

"Q. How are men like television commercials? A. You can't believe a word either one of them says and they both last about 30 seconds."

"Hear the one about the AA meeting in West Virginia? They all had the same last name..."

"What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? ""Where's my tractor?"""