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Joke of the Day

"Hey girl, are you a compressed file? 'cause I wanna unzip you and open you up."

"How to kill a spider: get a piece of tissue paper, approach it slowly, and very carefully, burn the house down."

"An asian with an STD he can't cure is herpress."

"You're too drunk, dear. Alcohol you later."

"My Wife's MENU had only two items: 1: Eat it or 2: Leave it."

"Why did the pervert like to watch girls in their entrance hallways? He was a foyer."

"Q: What do you get when you cross a lawyer with the Godfather? A: An offer you can't understand."

"Don't you hate it when you meet a hot girl who says she's ""bi""... ...then the next morning you realize she meant ""polar""."

"My life coach told me I was going to be traded at the end of the year."

"DATE: *sighs* You said you were a professional body builder. ME: I am! I make prosthetics. Ha ha! And funny jokes! Wait where are you going?"