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Joke of the Day

"This morning I was beaten by a woman in an elevator. I was staring at her boobs when she said, ""Would you please press one?"" I don't remember much after that."

"Just finished writing my will. In TOTALLY UNRELATED news, I'm about to try resolving some issues regarding my iTunes library."

"I heard Cobras dance to music. I played some Justin Bieber for my pet Cobra and he bit himself and died."

"Jared from Subway ended his career the same way he started it. Trying to get into small pants."

"What do you call a girl who expects a guy to do everything for her, make all the first moves, and text her first every day? SINGLE."

"Every girl has 3 guys in her life: one she loves, one she hates, and the one she can't live without. But in the end, it's the same guy!"

"Penis jokes are not funny especially the short ones."

"Two random variables were talking in a bar They thought they were being discrete but I heard them continuously."

"In middle school, I had a crush on a kid named BJ. When you write Heather loves BJ on your notebooks, you make a lot of friends."

"What's the difference between a jeweller and a jailer? One sells watches and one watches cells"