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Joke of the Day

"In middle school, I had a crush on a kid named BJ. When you write Heather loves BJ on your notebooks, you make a lot of friends."

"""I am the ghost of Christmas Future Perfect Subjunctive: I will show you what would have happened were you not to have changed your ways!"""

"You guys hear about the gay midget? ya, he finally came out of the cupboard."

"Have you heard the new drink called Sandy? ...It's a watered down Manhattan!"

"didja hear about the new LGBT libretto for Wagner's Der Ring des Nibelungen? The character Brunehilde is now named Brucehilde."

"Why do black people only have nightmares? They shot the only one that had a dream."

"Dickens: It was the best of times, it was the worst of times Schrodinger: Nice, nice"

"If your human doesn't feed you immediately, run in front of their feet and trip them up. ~Cats, apparently."

"You know you're drunk when... ...you get home, put food in the microwave, and then enter your pin number."

"I'm surprisingly calm about Internet spoiling Star Wars to me. Who could believe Kylo Ren is actually vegetarian and grandson of General Akbar"