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Joke of the Day

"I too found a safe at work and tried opening it... Bank security guard fired at me and police arrested me. It was not safe for me."

"Have you heard the one about the angry mob? It's a riot."

"[hitting a beach ball back and forth with son] *accidentally hits it over his head and into an outdoor concert* ""don't bother son, its gone"""

"5-year-old daughter: *looks in the mirror* Can you get me something to match my cowboy boots? Me: What? 5-year-old: A horse."

"a neanderthal scrawls a message on a cave wall, the etchings begin to glow red as he exceeds 140 characters"

"I watch Aladdin and root for Jafar."

"Having a British girlfriend is tough They always leave you."

"What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs at your front door? Matt"

"I called in to work and asked my boss what the difference between work and his daughter was. I'm not coming into work this morning."

"How do you get Lady Gaga attention? P-p-p-poke her face."