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Joke of the Day
"What do Hillary Clinton and The Queen have in common?..... They're both hated by republicans"
Next Joke
"What does your hot mom where under her skirt? A Freudian slip."
"[sitting at a table] Wife: writes number on paper and slides it across. Me: crosses out and writes new number *thermostat negotiations*"
"What do you call a phallic shaped potato? A dictator."
"*crowd in 1889 screaming because I appeared out of thin air and shot a baby* that was Baby Hitler...everyone calm down that was Baby Hitler"
"I don't know what a foliant is but woman sure love things that used to be them."
"Girlfriends are expensive but so is my drug habit."
"Bless you, my son... What is the difference between a priest and acne? Acne waits for puberty before coming on his face."
"ME: I'VE BEEN SHOT TAYLOR SWIFT: Aw here are some band aids ME: THOSE DON'T FIX BULLETHOLES TS: *picks up guitar* ...brb ME: I'M STILL DYING"
"New, cuter name I came up with for dog shit: ""Snoopy poopy. """