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Joke of the Day

"[sitting at a table] Wife: writes number on paper and slides it across. Me: crosses out and writes new number *thermostat negotiations*"

"Why didn't Hitler participate in the marathon? ... Because he can't finish a race."

"[arcade] KID: dad, some guy is hogging the claw machine DAD: hey buddy, why don't you give the kid a turn LOBSTER: BACK OFF WE'RE IN LOVE"

"If someone is a vegan, does crossfit, and has a rescue dog.... which one do they tell you about first?"

"I can spell relief with one letter P!"

"where do you go when you're fly to death? the terminal"

"I'm not what you call ""country"" I play support in MOBA games because farming is a foreign concept to me"

"What do you call a group of Combi's? A Combi nation!"

"Job interview: - Good morning - Good morning - Have you got a twitter account? - Yes - Ok, thanks for your time. We'll get back to you"

"Whats fun for 9/10 people? gang-rape"