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Joke of the Day

"Bless you, my son... What is the difference between a priest and acne? Acne waits for puberty before coming on his face."

"Did the depressed rope maker succeed? Sadly, he did knot."

"How do you tell if you have a high sperm count. She chews before she swallows."

"Remember kids, dark humour is like food... Not everybody gets it."

"If someone steals my lunch from the fridge at work, I get on the office PA system and do the Liam Neeson speech from Taken."

"Why did the witch have to move out of her gingerbread house? The property taxes were gastronomical."

"With so many unhappy married couples and a 50% divorce rate, I think it's pretty obvious that Americans don't breed well in captivity."

"Job interview Interviewer: What is your greatest weakness? Me: I'm brutally honest. Interviewer: I don't think it's a weakness at all. Me: I don't give a fuck what you think."

"Don't you hate when someone without kids tells you how to parent? I think I know how much alcohol my kids can handle."

"What do you call a woman with one leg? Eileen, right? But what if she is Asian. Then it's Irene."