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Joke of the Day

"What sound does a bloated dead horse make when you beat it? If you're still waiting for a punchline, why are you here?"

"I have ebola. AMA"

"Now that I've removed my windshield wipers I shouldn't be getting anymore parking tickets."

"According to my khaki shorts, I need to give a couple more shakes after peeing."

"Chuck Norris doesn't count his chicken before they hatch. He cracks them and eats them."

"Thinking about becoming a cop just so I have an excuse for being out of shape, lazy and a racist."

"i love our new home. LA is such a safe place and- *a dog drives by holding a pistol playing tupac in an el camino* denise get in the car"

"If you think sex is just filling her hole Then you're a civil engineer, not a lover"

"English teachers' favorite knock-knock joke Knock-knock Who's there? To To who? *To whom*"

"What starts with N, has two Gs in the middle, and has no business wearing a pointy white hood? Your noggin"