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Joke of the Day

"Adam: How did Mummy know you hadn't had a bath? Eve: I forgot to dirty the towel wet the soap and flood the bathroom."

"If I don't make this right hand turn going exactly 3 mph, the entire universe will explode & everyone will die. - the lady in front of me"

"Me: *Buys nutribullet* will this baby take down a vegan? Cashier: No, it's not an actual bu... Me: *loads nutrigun* Cashier: What the heck?"

"The ""Selfie"" sorority girls Gave there tickets to the less fortunate...I'm my book that makes them charitable women and not very selfie at all"

"Today we honor St. Patrick, the patron saint of puking and peeing."

"Why is a good husband like bread dough? Because his wife needs him."

"You know why the undertaker was fired? He made a grave mistake."

"I went to a zoo but the only animal it had was one dog It was a shih tzu"

"The police never think its as funny as you do."

"""You remind me of this hooker i knew."" ""You knew a hooker?"" hey you don't call her that, she's your mother."