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Joke of the Day

"""One man's trash is another man's treasure"" it's a great saying... but a terrible way to tell your kids that they're adopted."

"I decided to treat my girlfriend, but she ended up dying... Apparently ""cancer"" is best left to ""medical professionals"""

"Do you think when Spider-Man gets stoned with Batman and the Hulk he sometimes thinks the spider on his chest is real and freaks out?"

"My cat complains when I drive him to the vet, but we always end up stopping behind Red Lobster ""just for a second"" whenever he drives."

"Why do the 5 seconds I have to wait before I can ""skip ad"" last 30 seconds?"

"It takes a village to raise a child... ...it takes a child with a flamethrower to raze a village."

"How do Russians drive to Alaska? By bearing straight"

"To everyone with a motorcycle: your motorcycle is very loud & we are all very proud of you."

"Every time I think I've parallel parked in a space the size of a shoebox, I get out and find it's the length of two football fields"

"What do nuns do when they're horny? They cum to Jesus."