31374

Joke of the Day

"How are a full count in baseball and a mutated 2 time convict the same? They both have 3 balls and 2 strikes."

"She says she only drinks wine to collect corks for her Pinterest project, which is pretty cool cause it looks like she's building a castle."

"You wanna see the most dangerous animal in the world mate? Go look in the mirror. (I've locked an adult male puma in their bathroom)"

"""susan. SUSAN IT'S WORKING GET IN HERE"" -Moses practicing parting the water in the bathtub"

"Why are Jewish people so smart? Because they have spent so much time concentrating."

"if you watch Titanic from d back; it's about dead people resurrecting from the sea, pulling up a ship fixing it and sailing to England"

"People who put the punchline in the title What's worse than finding a worm in your apple?"

"If you can't handle my interpretive dance to November Rain than you don't deserve me doing splits on the hood of your car to Whitesnake."

"I am a perfect role model... ...for someone who takes ""how much can you fuck up your life?"" As an actual challenge."

"when you move to a new town everyone wants to date you because they don't know you're a piece of shit yet. i highly recommend it."