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Joke of the Day

"She says she only drinks wine to collect corks for her Pinterest project, which is pretty cool cause it looks like she's building a castle."

"What do you call a dinosaur that only eats the most delicious food? A connoisaur"

"*catches son swearing through sign language* ""We don't use that language in this house"" *hands him hand sanitizer* ""You know what to do"""

"A boy with an elephant on his head went to see a doctor. The doctor said ""You know you really need help"" ""Yes I do"" said the elephant ""get this kid off my foot !"""

"My dentist said I have a very wet mouth. *Updates dating profile."

"Glad everyone is done talking about the fight. Now how about that May weather?"

"A little alien asks his mother... ""Mommy, the kids all say we're aliens from outer space. That's not true, is it?"" ""Vegl dibrogmrn di shtrtl mixtor!"""

"What did Cinderella say when she got to the ball? Nothing. She just gagged a little."

"Tonight's Golden Globes taught us that, no matter how much you spend on surgery, nobody looks good while sweaty."

"Sometimes I make statements in the tone of a question?"