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Joke of the Day

"I got pulled over for drunk driving last night. In my defense I didn't even know I was driving."

"Has anyone here seen the Matthew McConaughey movie where he keeps getting grouchy in the early evenings and no one can figure out why...? Failure to Lunch?"

"*Puts on muscle shirt* *Looks in mirror* Maybe it takes a few minutes to kick in."

"What do you call a group of rabbits walking backwards? A receding hareline."

"Q: What are the three types of men? A: The handsome the caring and the majority."

"Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the cake #funniestjokeevernotreallyyesreally"

"What is Fido the dog's favorite part of a tree? Bark! What is his favorite canine? Wolf! How does he like his sex? Ruff!"

"The only time a woman wishes that she were a year older is when she is expecting a baby."

"My girlfriend dressed up as a policewoman and told me I was under arrest on suspicion of being good in bed. After 2 minutes all charges were dropped due to a lack of evidence."

"welcome to Olive Garden! when you're here, you're family. sit up straight. have you gained weight? why can't you be more like your sister"