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Joke of the Day

"welcome to Olive Garden! when you're here, you're family. sit up straight. have you gained weight? why can't you be more like your sister"

"Why didn't Rivendell help Gondor? Elfish reasons."

"Strange that the people who make duck face in photos are the same ones who always refuse to eat bread"

"I was going down in a girl and said ""you've got a massive vagina vagina"" She said ""you didn't have to say it twice"" I said "" I didn't didn't"""

"Everyone is panicking about the stock markets.... But the 31 foot mexican ladder company I invested in is surging."

"Should English be the only official language of the EU? No."

"What do u call a Mexican with a rubber toe? Roberto"

"How many Hindus does it take to change a lightbulb? None, they will keep worshipping in dark."

"Q: What did the man do after being found guilty of sabotaging the moon mission? A: He Apollo-gized."

"""Wow, that's great!"" ~ Me, not paying attention, and hoping you didn't just tell me your Grandma died."