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Joke of the Day

"You know what gets me about karma whores?"

"My boss yelled at me yesterday ""It's the fifth time you've been late to work this week! Do you know what that means?!"" I said, ""Probably that it's Friday?""..."

"The longest joke in the world Friend showed me this: http://longestjokeintheworld.com It's definitely worth the patience of not skipping to the end"

"TIL in 1946, a German missile accidentally hit one of their own U-boats, sinking it. Oops. Wrong sub."

"*i before e except after c. Unless you're an 8yo heir planning a heist to seize a surveillance sleigh owned by a sheik at a reindeer farm."

"Human history is so awful, I think I'm just gonna teach my son the timeline of Star Trek off of Wikipedia and call it a day."

"I cried when my dad chopped up onions for his sandwich.. Onions was always my favorite dog..."

"New TomTom voice over I got a new TomTom and changed his voice to Chewbacca. Left is BRRRRRRRRRRR and right is BRRRRRRRRRRR And when I'm at my distination : i still dont know"

"If you're only18, please don't tweet philosophy and proverb verbiage based on your first love and the difficulty of your inexperienced life."

"What did the fish say when he ran into a wall? ""DAM!"""