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Joke of the Day

"*i before e except after c. Unless you're an 8yo heir planning a heist to seize a surveillance sleigh owned by a sheik at a reindeer farm."

"Things that are dangerous- -riding a motorcycle -sharks -riding sharks"

"Yea, autocorrect, I meant ""nymph"" instead of ""my phone"" because I am a 16th Century poet."

"The best argument for ""the sequel is never as good as the original"" is birds v. dinosaurs."

"What do you call a fat pirate? A vast matey."

"What did the guy who burglarized the German bakers store at Christmas find out. All of his cookies were Stollen."

"What diapers should you put on a dead baby? Pamperspired."

"My friend had his assignment on plagiarism stolen so he copied mine. He then proceeded to take a course on Nihilism but it ended up not having a meaningful impact on his transcript."

"I don't feel bad ignoring the baby when she cries. If she really needs something, she should text me."

"Carrots are good for your eyes but they hurt when I put them in."