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Joke of the Day

"My girlfriend wanted a marriage just like a fairy tale... I gave her some bread crumbs and left her in the forest."

"I got the lyrics wrong and partied like it's 1599. Now my kitchen smells like roast peacock and I can't get this horse off my couch"

"What did the bee say to the naughty bee ? Bee-hive yourself !"

"Whenever I have a one night stand I always use protection A fake name and fake phone number."

"Some scientists believe the ability to create language was because we ate so much meat as primates. That's why vegans can only say ""i'm vegan""."

"What do you call it when your water breaks and you can't get ahold of the midwife? A midwife crisis."

"My son was crying and asked, ""why doesn't the dog have to wear pants?"" And it's like, I don't even know. So now I'm putting pants on a dog."

"what do you get? What do you get if you mix up an agnostic, a dyslexic and an insomniac? A guy who stays up all night wondering if there is a dog."

"What do you get when you cross the Atlantic Ocean with the Titanic? Halfway"

"What's red and white and screams when you shake it? A skinned baby in a bag of salt."