51979

Joke of the Day

"What do you call it when your water breaks and you can't get ahold of the midwife? A midwife crisis."

"How do you know if somebody graduated from Harvard? They'll tell you."

"Cop: Is that a turtle? Me: ... Cop: Painted blue? Me: ... Cop: With nails glued on? Me: ... Cop: Mario Kart's not real Me: YOURE NOT REAL"

"Reddit is really a Green Community, considering that the joke's on you."

"Studies suggest when it comes to dealing with stress, masturbation is twice as effective as sex So one in the hand really is worth two in the bush."

"did you hear about this new fish? nevermind it's satill in beta"

"two year old comes up to me asking if I've seen a dummy, unaware that she's just set herself up for the most brutal slam of her little life."

"I just met a dude with 12 nipples! I know, it scounds crazy, dozen tit"

"Considering ""Thank You"" cards are a thing, I'm going to invent ""No, thank YOU!"" cards and people will send them back and forth forever."

"I've been trying to figure out why I overslept today. Just realized drunk me set my calculator for $7.30."