30425

Joke of the Day

"How many cis-gender white males does it take to screw in a lightbulb? One. And it would be his privilege to help out."

"Killing spiders is easy and fulfilling if you imagine them whispering ""You look fat in those pants""."

"What did Clint Eastwood say before firing up the ceramic bowl he made in pottery class? Go ahead, bake my clay. *walks away slowly*"

"Good luck to the 13 year old girl who is pregnant and wrote ""California"" for ethnicity on her clinic forms."

"A Mexican magician says he's going to make himself disappear on the count of three.. He says, uno.. Dos.. And then he vanished without a tres!"

"[1st date] DATE: When I'm with a handsome man I get all nervous & involuntarily start speaking French ME [leans across] Oh really? DATE: Yes"

"Why does a 6 oz hamburger have less energy than a 6 oz steak? Because the hamburger is in the ground state."

"If you want to annoy a programmer... Give him a bug-type Pokemon"

"Why was the teacher arrested for writing in permanent marker? He wrote ""1 + 0 = 0"" and then spent the rest of the lesson trying to rub one out..."

"Reasons I think I might be a puppet vampire: 1. Ah ha ha! 2. Ah ha ha! 3. Ah ha ha!"