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Joke of the Day

"Reasons I think I might be a puppet vampire: 1. Ah ha ha! 2. Ah ha ha! 3. Ah ha ha!"

"Local news : box full of kittens mistaken for a bomb. I have to go to this town. I may be mistaken for Megan Fox."

"Whenever Becky says anything in the breakroom, I just say, ""well, that got racist pretty fast"" and walk out. I hate you so much, Becky."

"If I was a cannibal I'd only eat women. Because they're seedless."

"And I thought I hated Mondays.... But Robin Williams really! Hated Mondays"

"How do we know that Adam and Eve weren't black? You can't take a rib from a black man"

"I'm sick and tired of scandals always being named ""-gate"" The only thing about it that consoles me is there's a parallel universe where Watergate Hotel was instead named after John Hancock."

"My dad was walking around the house screaming yesterday.... He kept shouting, ""A, E, I, O, U"". ""What's wrong?"", I asked him. To which he responded, ""Nothing, I just have irritable vowel syndrome..."""

"Where did ants originally come from? ant-arctica"

"Think Im Sarcastic? Watch Me Pretend To Care!"