107488

Joke of the Day

"[1st date] DATE: When I'm with a handsome man I get all nervous & involuntarily start speaking French ME [leans across] Oh really? DATE: Yes"

"My toddler just asked me ""mummy why do people think falsely attributing quotes to my preschool peers lends their bad opinions authenticity?"""

"Why does Michael J. Fox make the best milkshakes? He uses the best ingredients, you cruel bastards."

"How do we know that Joan of Arc was French ? She was maid in France !"

"What did the hurricane say to the palm tree? ""Hold on to your nuts, this is no ordinary blow job!"""

"I know a girl named Penny But because of inflation, she is going to change her name to Nickel soon."

"Don't be that crazy person who collects cats. Collect something else instead like toenails."

"*gets pulled over* Officer: how high are u Me: no officer, it's hi, how are u"

"*toddler screaming in car seat* Husband: Sounds like someone needs a nap when we get home. Me: I know. Totally. Wake me up around 4?"

"A horse walks into a bar and the bartender goes, ""Why the long face?"" So the horse proceeds to rampage around the bar because he's a fucking horse."