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Joke of the Day

"I like my women like I like my coffee.... Black and full of semen."

"Nephew: Really?! Me: Yup! Go for it! N: *runs into wall* Me: *takes pic* N: *wakes up* Am I at Hogwarts? Me: No, we'll try again later."

"Why don't my dog and my cat get along? She's a Re-puppy-can and he's a Demo-cat!"

"It's so damn hot outside... I called my ex so I could be around something shady."

"It's a bird! It's a plane- -OH SHIT A PLANE IS COMING TOWARDS THE BUILDING"

"What is OJ Simpson's password on his computer? Slash, slash, backslash, escape."

"I painted my PC black hoping it would run faster but now it doesn't work at all."

"*gets handed a Mario Kart controller at a party* I don't know guys, I've never done this before. *straps on monogrammed driving gloves*"

"Fiber Monday is a great idea... but is once a year often enough ? Oh....it's Cyber Monday ? Never mind."

"In Egypt they started throwing gay people in the river, an Egyptian friend of mine swears he isn't gay. But he's still in the Nile."