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Joke of the Day

"Nephew: Really?! Me: Yup! Go for it! N: *runs into wall* Me: *takes pic* N: *wakes up* Am I at Hogwarts? Me: No, we'll try again later."

"I've been repeating the same mistakes in life for so long now I may as well call them traditions."

"What's the difference between tumblr and a gun? The gun has only one trigger"

"What do girlfriends and ass hairs have in common? They never let shit go."

"What's the quickest way to make nine million dollars? Date Simon Cowell."

"They say history is written by the winners... But actually, history is written by historians and most of them are losers."

"Why do Bay Area gamers like Pier 39 Modern wharf air"

"Did you hear about the fight in the candy store? Two suckers got licked"

"Christmas lights remind me of some people I know. They all hang out together, half the fuckers don't work, and the ones that do aren't that bright!!!!"

"Why are lions more religious than other animals? They prey regularly."