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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between jelly and jam I can't jelly my dick down your throat"

"I wish I could crowd surf to work."

"What do you call a special needs sheep that got turned into a blanket? A down comforter."

"I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid. But he says he can stop anytime."

"Captain Ahab is like G.W. Bush They're both violent men that have a revenge fantasy against a cheap source of oil."

"every year you pass your birthday and know that you were born that day but every year you pass your death day and have no clue"

"In the middle of a really messy divorce, I decided suicide was the only option. I just need to talk her into it now."

"How to tease a girlfriend if she really wants it My girlfriend said she wanted me to tease her. I said, 'Alright, fatty.'"

"If you leave your iphone unattended I will tell Siri to kill you in your sleep."

"Not a joke, sorry, but I'm new to this subreddit... Does this subreddit actually have 36 million ""humorists"" or is that a joke? If so, I don't get it."