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Joke of the Day

"God said He loves me? That's awkward. Tell Him I want to see other people."

"I'd like to thank my gps for making me feel like the star of an action movie every time it waits too long to tell me where to turn."

"Do girls like globes without equators? I'm worried because mine is uncircumscribed."

"I'm 20 years old, and my SO is 9 months pregnant."

"The breweries of the United States are planning to overthrow the government... It's a consbeeracy!"

"Why are smaller breasts better for breastfeeding? They're more of a kids meal."

"What university department did the Fonz go do when he needed help paying his tuition? Financial Ayyyyyyd I'll^see^myself^out"

"How many goals did Germany score? gerMANY"

"Lunchtime at McDonald's A fat girl served me in McDonald's at lunchtime. She said 'sorry about the wait'. I said, 'Don't worry, you'll find a way to lose it eventually'."

"I will tell you a racist mexican joke in three, two, Juan..."