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Joke of the Day

"What's the definition of eternity? Four blondes waiting at a four way stop."

"If your apartment is hit by a dolphin, DO NOT GO OUT TO SEE IF THE DOLPHIN IS OKAY. That's how the hurricane tricks you into coming outside."

"My aunt used to say ""slow and steady wins the race"" she died in a fire"

"Real laziness is being excited when plans get canceled."

"I know a guy who used to have Leukaemia He's Luekae to be alive."

"Why are rapists terrible at academics? BECAUSE THEY THINK WITH THE WRONG HEAD!"

"If you ever get hit by a car, try to spin like a ballerina. You won't get another chance like this."

"I need to buy a new alarm clock. The one I have keeps going off while I'm asleep."

"I just sent out my daily 6am text to a random number saying ""I hit Zack with my truck. I'm going to need to use your hacksaw to cut him up."""

"I was confused the other day when someone told me I can make ice cubes with left over wine. What the fuck is ""left over wine""?"