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Joke of the Day

"What's the definition of eternity? Four blondes waiting at a four way stop."

"*6 opens piggy bank* Me: wtf where'd you get all that? 6: mommy said I could take $1 out of your wallet each day bc you'd never know"

"The insane really should be institutionalized. Trump for President"

"I don't always tell mom jokes But when i do, she laughs"

"My boys cleaned out my car and now my change is missing. Little do they know, it costs exactly $3.63 to turn our wifi back on."

"I keep nacho cheese handy so in case I start to lose an argument I can pour it on my head and say ""You're arguing with nachos, you idiot""."

"Me: He's starting to stir! Wife: Shhhh. Me: OH MY GOD... Wife: Be quiet. Me: HE'S GOT A KNIFE! Wife: I hate watching cooking shows with you."

"Today is national suicide prevention day.. so remember.. If you see any suicide bombers...... Shoot them."

"Overheard a girl just say she's full because she ate at 3:00. It's 6:00. How can you stay full for THREE HOURS, alien?"

"""Darling, your teeth are like stars."" ""So yellow and so far apart..."""