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Joke of the Day

"*6 opens piggy bank* Me: wtf where'd you get all that? 6: mommy said I could take $1 out of your wallet each day bc you'd never know"

"police codes 472: loitering 213: man with horse eyes 304: gnarly dirtbike 94: breaking & entering 834: dog smoking weed 58: sexy loitering"

"My parents used to listen to jimmy saville back in the seventies If only they had come into my room and stopped him."

"I dont know about you guys, but I am amazed Pringles is able to constantly grow the same shaped potato. Science."

"Did you hear about the Muslim artists who threw paint bombs at a building? They blue it up."

"Why Does The Bride Wear White? So That The Dishwasher Matches The Fridge."

"I committed a petty theft today... The cops took me in on charges for a salt and battery."

"I like my women like I like my coffee, I can't afford coffee"

"What's the difference between a blonde and a mosquito? A mosquito will stop sucking after you slap it."

"My 1-year-old refused to wear her shoes and carried them around instead. She can barely walk and she's already the drunk girl at the party."